They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
