ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
