i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
