Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
