She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
