My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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