i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
