omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
