I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
