the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
