she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
