Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
