When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
