I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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