I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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