Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
