tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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