he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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