Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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