I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
