My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
