I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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