he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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