TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
