so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
