this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
