and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
