TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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