New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
