he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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