Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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