Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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