I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
