Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
COCAINE IS GR8
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
