he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
