chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You were trust falling into bushes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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