dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
