Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
