thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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