I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
