but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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