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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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