all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
