yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
