im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
