I want to make a zoo with you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
