While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
