Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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