You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Acid is not a monday night drug
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
