Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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